"And just who the hell is Mr Samuel?," you might reasonably inquire.

Well. I never know quite what to say when confronted so directly, so I'll put it like this: Mr Samuel is at the same time the last of an old breed and the first of a new breed -- The Virtual Man-About-Town. No longer is it necessary to call for the coach-and-four to carry one uptown to the opera. Gone are the days when every gentleman needed tie and tails merely to cart out the rubbish. All we need to live the high life in these modern times is a web browser and a dependable ISP.

"All well and good, Samuel", you say, "but what is this man about town crapola? I've never heard of such a thing, especially here on the net, which is the great democratizer of communications. Aren't you afraid of appearing the teensiest bit.... elitist? You must admit, good taste and civility seem to be majorly in retreat on the Internet."

Hmmph. I'm not surprised that your outlook would be so severely cramped. It isn't really your fault, I guess. Anyone raised on a steady diet of comic books and top 40 and sitcoms would have similar difficulties in understanding why La Dolce Vita is so well-hidden. But you must believe me when I say -- THE GOOD THINGS IN LIFE ARE IMPORTANT! They are what makes the 99.99% drek that we endure daily worth slogging through.

"Well, I still don't get it," you might be thinking to yourself. "Where are all these so-called good things? All I see is a pile of flames and alt.sex.binaries. I'm lost among mountains of spam and junk e-mail. Finding something worthwhile on the net is like searching for the diamond in the proverbial pile of elephant dung."

At last! My purpose becomes clear! Follow me, intrepid readers, and I will lead you to the Virtual Good Life. Those seeking bratwurst and bottom-shelf booze may exit now. All other fearless persons-about-town and about-town wannabes, [ right this way! ]

suggestions, comments, contributions to:
Mr Samuel himself, of course.
November 10, 1999